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AVPR: Alien vs Predator - Requiem (Alien vs Predator 2) (2007)

Links: AVPR: Alien vs Predator - Requiem on the IMDb, Official site
Genre: Suspense/Horror/Thriller

This movie gets: 1.00 (1 rating) Ranking: not yet ranked (awaiting 2 ratings)

"I saw this movie. Then I woke up. It was all a nightmare! THE END." - a review by andy-j

Why do I even give movies like Alien vs Predator 2: Requiem a chance? Part of me is so in love with the first two Alien films that I'm desperately hoping for something resembling a repeat performance. I read somewhere that the directorial team behind this latest effort thought the first AvP film was rubbish, so I guess I held out a glimmer of hope. Turns out it was all a big scam, like those pills I bought recently over the Int... oh wait.

AvPR has got to be the most pointless movie I have ever seen. It is an insult to the word 'requiem'. It takes 2 beloved franchises and basically mashes them together, destroying both franchises, itself, its prequel, the entire movie industry, the entire movie-going public and the entire universe, all in one 90 minute shitefest. Seriously... why was this movie made? Basically, nothing happens that hasn't already happened in the first movie, and as much as I disliked Alien vs Predator, I have to say, it is a masterpiece worthy of all of the namesakes of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles put together in comparison to this. The first movie fell flat in terms of suspense and pacing, but at least had some style and a plot (even if said plot made little sense). This effort has neither.

Alien vs Predator: Requiem begins mere seconds after the first movie. The predator ship takes off, but before it has even left the Earth's gravitational field, the "Predalien" (an alien hatched inside a Predator) has gone from freshly-hatched to fully-grown, has killed multiple predators, and has caused the ship to crash land back on earth. Continuity error 1 of --BUFFER OVERFLOW ERROR--. All of the alien facehuggers onboard the ship have now escaped and are free to cause all sorts of mischief on earth. A Predator back on the home planet of Predstralia sees what is happening via some kickarse technology, and flies to earth to clean up the mess.

What follows is basically the predalien and the aliens killing every person in some hick town (doing the world a favour?), while the predator tries to stop it, and a bunch of hopelessly-outclassed cardboard cutout humans fight to stay alive. Although the film tries to create a sense of suspense, it fails completely because:
a. the characters are ill-defined and stupid. we cannot relate to them and therefore do not give a shit whether they live or die
b. it is oh so predictable
c. we've seen it all before and it is no longer scary
d. the camera work, (lack of) lighting and stupid editing style is confusing. I spent more time being annoyed at the movie for this than actually watching it.

A classic example of the first 2 of these reasons occurs early on when the characters are being introduced. A mother returns from the Iraq war to her young child, and gives him/her (I can't remember) a pair of night-vision goggles. Hmm... I wonder if said night-vision goggles might come in handy later on? The entire scene does not exist to introduce characters, but rather, to introduce an object, and what's more, it's done in such a horribly obtuse way, that it just caused me to groan. Pathetic.

By far the most interesting thing about AvP2 is the PredAlien, but the thing might as well not exist, as it is basically just a predator that looks different. There is a three-second scene where we see how it reproduces, which has potential, but it really isn't handled well, and is more confusing than anything else. That's about it for the PredAlien really.. the one opportunity this movie had to at least be interesting. What a waste.

The final inevitable confrontation between predator and predalien deserve a mention only because it is handled so poorly. I found it almost impossible to figure out which one was which, due mostly to the poor lighting, the rain (why did they insist on having rain?), the quick-cut editing etc. Then the humans come along and drop a bomb on them. Have you ever been played a video game and finally gotten to the End Of Game Boss after MONTHS of trying, and then just as you're fighting him, you mum comes along and turns off the power so that you'll go and clean up your room? Did you feel satisfied with the experience? Because that is what this ending is like - we wait the whole movie for a confrontation, and then it is cut short. At the risk of dwelling on a sore point, it is like how I used to end the stories I wrote when I was in grade 3: "Then I woke up. It was all a dream! THE END".

andy-j gives this movie 1 out of 10.
Review created on Tue 1 Apr 2008

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