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Meet the Spartans (2008)

Links: Meet the Spartans on the IMDb, Official site
Genre: Comedy

This movie gets: 1.00 (1 rating) Ranking: not yet ranked (awaiting 2 ratings)

""Gimme a cheddar burger man" film-making at its finest" - a review by andy-j

Meet the Spartans is basically a bunch of very unfunny popular culture references thrown together into a thankfully short 80-odd minute movie.

It is very loosely based on the film 300, with some gross-out moments and references to American Idol, Shrek, Britney Spears, Transformers, Chris Crocker and Deal or No Deal, among others. Characters come and go for no reason and with no explanation. There is zero continuity, because the whole plot is just a mess of a framework that is only trying to hold things together in time for the next joke to arrive (it never does). Some people might consider this zaniness is part of what makes Meet the Spartans funny. Wrong. It is what makes Meet the Spartans about as intelligent and entertaining as a "msn is running out of nicknames! forward this onto all your friends or Microsoft will delete your msn!!!!" chain letter.

The one thing that snapped me out of a coma while watching this movie was seeing Ken Davitian playing the part of Xerxes. "Oh it's the guy from Bora...zzzz". And that was it. That was the only entertaining moment in this entire movie, made entertaining not because of Meet the Spartans, but because of Borat: Cultural Learnings of Ameri... etc. There was not one moment in this movie that I would possibly consider maybe thinking about finding amusing. Not one redeeming feature. Nothing was done well. Nothing. Honestly, I'd have more fun going up on homicide charges. This movie is absolutely pathetic in every regard. Some further insults include the actors featuring painted-on abs and then joking about it, a "your momma's so fat" joke competition (geez, never heard that one before), jokes that are repeated OVER AND OVER, an incredibly lame dance-off competition, Kevin Sorbo, and the biggest insult of all - extra scenes after the credits start to roll. Are the writers throwing extra footage at us in an attempt to make us forget the run-time is so short? "Here is some bonus material that we lamentably could not find a place for elsewhere during the feature, because doing so would upset the delicate continuity that we painstakingly worked so hard to perfect over multiple drafts of our script. Please remember that this is only extra footage and should not be considered part of the motion picture experience! Enjoy!". Or don't.

That's all I have to say about this mess of an attempt at comedy and filmmaking. Shorter than my usual reviews, but, as The Offspring album designed to infuriate Axl Rose says, "Chinese Democracy (You Snooze, You Lose)". Think about it.

If you would like to contact me personally about this review, please do so at my new e-mail address:

andy-j gives this movie 1 out of 10.
Review created on Fri 28 Mar 2008

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Number of reviews: 1
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Reader comments

  1. how dare you!!!!!! wasn't that bad.. huh

    Rating given: 7

    A comment from kai on Mon 31 Mar 2008 18:04 #

Those who have commented give this movie: 7.00 (1 rating)

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