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All reviews by andy-j

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Tue 1 Apr 2008AVPR: Alien vs Predator - Requiem (2007)1I saw this movie. Then I woke up. It was all a nightmare! THE END.
Why do I even give movies like Alien vs Predator 2: Requiem a chance? Part of me is so in... (more)
1.00 (1 rating)
Fri 28 Mar 2008Meet the Spartans (2008)1"Gimme a cheddar burger man" film-making at its finest
Meet the Spartans is basically a bunch of very unfunny popular culture references thrown together into a thankfully short 80-odd... (more)
1.00 (1 rating)
Fri 24 Aug 2007The Invisible3HUH?
Nick Powell is your typical sulky and cynical teenager who pulls no punches and has decided that he is fed... (more)
3.00 (1 rating)
Wed 14 Mar 2007Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby8Did that just blow your mind? That just happened!
This really isn't my kind of film at all. I saw the previews and thought it looked awful. It was... (more)
8.00 (1 rating)
Tue 5 Sep 2006The Cave2This review is better than the film
A troop of expert cave divers team together with cutting-edge scientists to explore an extensive network of newly-discovered underground caves.... (more)
2.00 (1 rating)
Sat 19 Aug 2006Love Actually (2003)7One hundred down, one squillion to go!
For my one hundredth review on, I was thinking I'd do something TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND CRAZY (and attention-seeking and... (more)
6.67 (3 ratings)
Fri 13 Jan 2006Wolf Creek (2005)9Not really a good choice for a first date
Ben Mitchell (Nathan Phillips) is accompanying two young female English backpackers across the Australian outback in a clapped-out bomb of... (more)
8.00 (2 ratings)
Fri 13 Jan 2006Da Kath & Kim Code (2005)7Good Aussie comedy
This is a made-for-television movie, featuring the very popular characters of Kath Day-Knight (Jane Turner) and her daughter Kim (Gina... (more)
6.00 (2 ratings)
Wed 11 Jan 2006Meet the Fockers (2004)5Fockin' shite
Meet the Fockers is not the sort of thing that I'd go out of my way to watch. After recent... (more)
5.00 (1 rating)
Sun 8 Jan 2006Sin City (2005)6Very sinematic
Let's get this out of the way. Sin City has some serious style. Bucketloads of style to spare. It's made... (more)
6.00 (1 rating)
Sat 7 Jan 2006Back to School (1986)8Classic 80s fun
In my review of The Extra (2005), I lambasted Jimeoin for unsuccessfully attempting to translate the humour he brings to... (more)
8.00 (1 rating)
Fri 6 Jan 2006Rock Fresh (2004)5Rock-rock on
Rock Fresh is a feature-length documentary on graffiti. It focuses not on the lifestyle or attitudes of everyday graffiti taggers,... (more)
4.50 (2 ratings)
Fri 30 Dec 2005Dark Water (2005)6Tepid
Recently-separated Dahlia (Jennifer Connelly) is trying to make a new life for herself and her six year-old daughter Ceci (Ariel... (more)
6.00 (1 rating)
Fri 30 Dec 2005Flightplan (2005)6Don't bother fastening your seatbelts.
In Flightplan, Jodie Foster plays Kyle, a recently-widowed mother who is accompanying the body of her late husband on a... (more)
6.00 (1 rating)
Thu 22 Dec 2005Swingers (1996)6Romantic comedy for guys
Poor Vince Vaughn has not aged well at all. Watching him in this 1996 effort is like watching anyone else... (more)
6.00 (1 rating)
Mon 19 Dec 2005She-Devil (1989)8A comedy gem
Ruth (Roseanne) and Bob Patchett (Ed Begley Jr.) are a normal married couple with two teenage kids. Bob works as... (more)
8.00 (1 rating)
Sat 17 Dec 2005The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)5Exorcise extreme caution
Some time back in nineteen-seventy-ahermmmmm, a young lady by the name of Emily Rose (not her real name) died after... (more)
5.00 (1 rating)
Mon 5 Dec 2005One Hour Photo (2002)9Intense, but in a different way
One Hour Photo is one of those movies that flies largely under the radar, and doesn't get the appreciation it... (more)
9.00 (1 rating)
Thu 10 Nov 2005Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating (2004)6I'm full
I'm always a little suspicious of people who give themselves a stupid name such as "Hotdogs" or "Crazy Legs" for... (more)
5.00 (2 ratings)
Tue 1 Nov 2005The Skeleton Key (2005)6A bit of a waste
Miss Caroline Ellis (Kate Hudson) is a sensible and mature young lady, in need of some hours in the nursing... (more)
6.00 (1 rating)
Mon 31 Oct (2001)8A rollercoaster
It's 1999, smack bang in the middle of the IT boom, and best-friends-since-high-school Kaleil Isaza Tuzman and Tom Herman have... (more)
8.00 (1 rating)
Sat 29 Oct 2005Raiders of the Lost Ark - The Adaptation8An inspiration
The year is 1982, you're 11 years old and you and your friends have a whole summer to mess around... (more)
8.00 (2 ratings)
Mon 10 Oct 2005A Trip to the Orphanage (2004)4Liza?!?
Okay, I really don't get this. I like the music, I like the singing.. but.. I dunno about that... (more)
3.00 (3 ratings)
Mon 10 Oct 2005Sombra Dolorosa (2004)7Esto es una buena película!
I'll have none of this drawn-out time-taking atmosphere-setting nonsense that is so prevalent in your modern-day short film. You only... (more)
6.00 (3 ratings)
Mon 10 Oct 2005Weird Science (1985)5My creation! Is it reallll?
So this is another in the series of John Hughes' zany 80's brat-pack movies. Familiar face Anthony Michael Hall, who... (more)
5.00 (1 rating)
Fri 7 Oct 2005Sissy Boy Slap Party (1995)3The title gives away the ending!!!
Look, I admire director Guy Maddin's ability to work in numerous variations on the whole premise of slapping in a... (more)
3.33 (3 ratings)
Fri 7 Oct 2005Bad Santa (2003)9Bad Santa, good movie!
In fact, this is a review of Badder Santa, the uncut and unrated version of the highly controversial film. Quite... (more)
8.33 (3 ratings)
Tue 9 Aug 2005Pol Pot's Birthday (2004)9Pol Pot's having a birthday party and you're not invited!
It's Pol Pot's birthday! His office staff have planned a surprise party for him. There is a problem though -... (more)
8.50 (2 ratings)
Wed 20 Jul 2005Sixteen Candles (1984)9Takes the (sixteenth birthday) cake
Samantha Baker (Molly Ringwald) is turning sweet sixteen, but instead of it being the most important and life-changing event of... (more)
9.00 (1 rating)
Fri 15 Jul 2005The Machinist (2004)9Haunting and full of pain
It's hard to describe the plot of The Machinist without giving too much away. And I wouldn't want to do... (more)
8.00 (2 ratings)
Fri 15 Jul 2005Walking Tall (2004)1Finally! A film by rednecks for rednecks!
Walking Tall is about Chris Vaughn, a guy who returns to his home town after 8 years to find that... (more)
1.00 (1 rating)
Tue 12 Jul 2005Dead Man Walking (1995)7Warning: film doesn't try to force its point of view onto you
Speaking of warnings, here's another: this review contains possible spoilers. I hate the word 'spoilers', does the job though. This is... (more)
6.50 (2 ratings)
Fri 8 Jul 2005War of the Worlds (2005)6A chilling vision of things to come
War of the Worlds depicts a hostile attempt by aliens to overtake the planet Earth by wiping out the entire... (more)
4.50 (2 ratings)
Tue 5 Jul 2005Alien: Resurrection (1997)5No more!
After watching Alien³ (1992), you'd think that they wouldn't be making any more Alien films - not because it was... (more)
5.00 (1 rating)
Mon 4 Jul 2005Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)6Pretty much in the middle, in more ways than one.
I really don't think this movie needs much of an introduction, but what the hey? Star Wars: Episode III -... (more)
6.00 (2 ratings)
Sat 25 Jun 2005The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)4Blergh
Let me just start this review by saying that I've never read the book. Now, if there happen to be... (more)
6.00 (2 ratings)
Sat 25 Jun 2005The Day After Tomorrow (2004)4"The Day Before Yesterday"? I dunno. I'm bad at these titles
The Day After Tomorrow is one of those major disaster films in the vein of Independence Day (1996), Armageddon (1998)... (more)
4.00 (2 ratings)
Fri 29 Apr 2005The Woodsman (2004)8Intelligent and thought-provoking
Walter has just been released from a twelve-year prison sentence for molesting young girls. This film, adapted from a fictional... (more)
8.00 (1 rating)
Wed 27 Apr 2005The Ring (2002)8A worthy remake
The Ring is the Hollywood remake of Ring (1998), a very original and understated Japanese horror film from 1998. I... (more)
6.67 (3 ratings)
Tue 26 Apr 2005The Extra (2005)2Strike two
After the disappointment of The Craic (1999), Irish comedian Jimeoin returns to the big screen with his second feature film... (more)
2.00 (2 ratings)
Mon 18 Apr 2005Poltergeist (1982)9Not another scary movie
The Freelings are a normal suburban family living in the relatively new suburb of Questa Verde - Diane, a housewife,... (more)
9.00 (1 rating)
Sat 22 Jan 2005Boogie Nights (1997)10"Dad, I promise you, I will NEVER get tired of this!"
One night at a local nightclub, Jack Horner (Burt Reynolds), an "exotic films" director, spots young Eddie Adams (Mark Wahlberg)... (more)
9.50 (2 ratings)
Fri 21 Jan 2005AVP: Alien Vs. Predator (2004)3"Whoever wins, we lose". We sure do!
AVP: Alien Vs. Predator finally brings together the two popular science-fiction film franchises of the Alien films and the Predator... (more)
4.50 (2 ratings)
Wed 19 Jan 2005Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)4Rankin Fitch: Gentlemen, trials are too important to be left up to juries!
I've finally made up my mind about Ben Stiller. Despite a whole heap of people I know raving about how... (more)
3.00 (2 ratings)
Fri 17 Dec 2004Love Tricycle (2003)8Lovely
Ahh to live the life of a bicycle! To ride around without a care in the world, own a pet... (more)
8.00 (4 ratings)
Thu 16 Dec 2004Resident Evil: Apocalyse (2004)2Stinks of FANBOY
If you were to set out to make a movie that was worse than.. I dunno.. say... Event Horizon, then... (more)
2.00 (1 rating)
Tue 21 Sep 2004Zoolander (2001)3I was riiiiight!!!!!
My original review of Zoolander was less than complimentary. I found the entire thing a complete yawnfest, but I talked... (more)
5.00 (3 ratings)
Thu 12 Aug 2004Dawn of the Dead (2004)10A real surprise
There's been a few zombie movies in recent years. Resident Evil (2002), 28 Days Later (2002), and now, Dawn of... (more)
9.00 (2 ratings)
Wed 4 Aug 2004Disposable (2003)3Disposable
Disposable is a short film about a lady who runs down a pedestrian and drives off because she doesn't realise... (more)
4.33 (3 ratings)
Thu 22 Apr 2004Alien³ (1992)6Brave but flawed
Ellen Ripley and the survivors of Aliens (1986) are sleeping through their return voyage to Earth when something unexpected happens.... (more)
6.00 (1 rating)

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